Saturday, January 24, 2009

“What If” In Life

How many times do we go through the “What if” moments in our life? I believe that we go through the “What if” moment daily and sometimes several times a day, either consciously or unconsciously. Yesterday Dad and I were reflecting on life in general. We talked about his beginning relationships with mom (how and when they met) to her death. I talked about my relationship with Everett, the boys, and we also talked about my brothers and their relationships with their spouses or significant others. Todd was in the other room listening, I’m sure. (Hi Todd)

What brought on this converstation? Today's date mark the 52nd (not 53rd dad :-)) wedding anniversary for my mom and dad. You see, Mom recently passed away last August and we are still mourning. As dates appear that mark an important anniversary or events, we asked ourselves questions like; “What If” either of us had been there when she fell and broke her arms. In our mind, we both know that a fall happens so quickly and unless we were constantly by her side, which mom would have hollered at us to let her be, there was no way we could have prevented the fall. But in our heart, we continue to ask, "What If", because we miss her dearly.

As stated in my last post, I told you that I got a divorce. I asked myself, “What if” I didn’t get married at such a young age. “What If” I had been given the chance to go out on my own and find out what Rena like and disliked (autonomy) and so forth…. “What If”...

When we have the “What If” in our lives, we are also having regrets. It is so easy to put the blame on everyone else, then ourselves (Sometimes we do blame ourselves as well). Believe me, I have done my share of blaming. I blamed everyone close to me, but me. I did not take the responsibility of the choices I had made. Even when my Spirit told me to do otherwise.

You say, what about when someone in authority or one who we trusted did harm to us, whether as a child, a spouse, or as and elderly parent. Yes, there were moments when that can happen and we have a hard time forgiving that person. I tell you the truth, unless we forgive, we will never be free.

So, how do we get beyond blaming and start healing? One way is Acceptance. Accept that the choices you made were your choice and not the fault of someone else. How you feel about an event that was beyond your control is still a choice. A choice to stay angry and bitter, which eats away at your soul or a choice to forgive and have peace with self and God.

Once we are able to accept, then we can forgive. Once we forgive, then we can move on in our life. It will not go away completely, because it had an imprint on your life. But we can move on and become a better person because of it.

As in the case of the death of my mom, it takes time to grieve. As in the mistakes I have made in life, which were many, its time to accept, forgive and move on with my life.

How about you? Is this the day you accept, forgive and move on?

“What if”…


  1. Very nice post. There sure are a lot of those What if's, aren't there?

  2. Life is full of "what if's". I certainly can relate to that. I'm reflecting on the "what ifs" in my life and allowing them to help me gain new perspective as I move forward in life.. I gain nothing by dwelling on my past, but I am thankful for the new perspective I've gained by reflecting on the past in order for me to move forward.